


The Way We Are

by Misery_Martini, Mother_of_a_Grape_Gremlin



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, M/M, Multi, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:08:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21689617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misery_Martini/pseuds/Misery_Martini, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mother_of_a_Grape_Gremlin/pseuds/Mother_of_a_Grape_Gremlin
Summary: Co-written with Mother_of_a_Grape_Gremlin and Misery MartiniThis is a sequel to "The Way We Were". You'll need to read that fic to make sense of this.Link:https://archiveofourown.org/works/21515569/chapters/51284173Shuichi, Kokichi, Rantaro and Kaede emerge from the game.
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Saihara Shuichi, Amami Rantaro/Oma Kokichi, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

Rantaro stretched his legs a bit as he sat down with a cup of hot green tea. There had been a lot of tension among the season’s participants as each member of the cast woke up. Short term memories came back fairly quickly. Most were able to comprehend that the world they’d lived in for two weeks had been fake. Rantaro remembered his first time coming back from the simulation after winning. He’d been angry that he’d been toyed around with, provoked and prodded by Monokuma. Granted, his in-game personality was an easy-going fellow, who knew how to ally and bail when necessary. Pregame, Rantaro considered himself a smooth talker of sorts. Easy going? Not so much. Rantaro knew he had a hot temper. But it was ironically “smooth sailing” for the Ultimate Adventurer when it came to his role in both the 52nd and 53rd seasons.

For others though...He looked toward Kokichi with a bit of pity. Kokichi had been at a loss ever since getting pulverized to death in the game. He occasionally spoke with Rantaro, some peppy sarcastic lines of his in game character escaping his mouth every so often. The once timid boy had become a feisty _Danganronpa_ player, even taunting Monokuma himself. That was nothing new considering the personality switches Danganronpa was famous for. But joining the game with your boyfriend in tow was a different matter altogether. If Rantaro were honest with himself, he’d say he still had feelings toward Kokichi. Time would tell, ultimately, where any of the cast stood. Rantaro knew it to be a rather messy process.

“Kaede,” Rantaro spoke softly, “would you like some miso soup for breakfast?” 

The blonde looked at him momentarily before answering. “No, thank you.”

His “murderer” for season 53 was in horrible shape. She hadn’t been eating well since awakening with Rantaro. He tried to engage her in conversation here and there, but Kaede kept her inner world quite hidden--much to Rantaro’s dismay. While Kirumi and Ryoma had been talkative post game, Kaede was the opposite. Rantaro wondered if it had anything to do with her connection to Shuichi. The only reason she’d even gotten on for the season was due to Shuichi’s antics. Not that she knew, though. That’d be a secret she would need to hear from the protagonist himself.

Twirling a bit of his hair around his pointer finger, Kokichi sighed as he waited for the pod that held Shuichi to open. How the hell did he end up in this situation? His heart was torn between Rantaro and Shuichi. Kokichi had been dating Shuichi before the killing game but he’d been abusive. From what he could figure out, his previous self’s obsessive love started after Shuichi had saved him from his father hitting him after the asshole had pulled him into an alley while severely drunk. It astounded him how that one tiny bit of kindness was enough to become so obsessed that he would try to kill anyone who tried to use or hurt Shuichi. How idiotic had he been?

Even without those memories, Kokichi had fallen in love with Shuichi in game. Now, Kokichi felt like a totally different person. On the other hand, according to his memories, he and Rantaro had been interested in each other. Sexually at least…and a little bit romantically on his side. The green haired young man had treated him so kindly; no one had ever been that way with him. Even if it was just to get into his pants. After he had broken up with Shuichi, he and Rantaro did end up having sex.

It had been the best experience of his life. 

Maybe Kokichi should ask Rantaro to be his boyfriend and move on from Shuichi. That thought hurt his heart though. What was so special about the black-haired detective? Sure, Shuichi had been interesting in the game and even spent time with him until Kokichi sent his end game plan into motion.

_ “You are alone and always will be.” _

Shuichi’s words still echoed throughout Kokichi’s mind. Shaking his head, he brought himself out of his thoughts. He could think about that later, after he and everyone were cleared to go home and reintegrate into society. In the meantime, he just had to focus on recovering from both the trauma of the game and of his pre-game self’s life. At least his pre-game personality had faded away, along with his alter. 

Right now, it was almost time for Shuichi to wake up and the doctor had said Kokichi needed to be there for it. It made sense considering Shuichi had been abandoned by his parents, Kokichi was the only family Shuichi had. Rantaro had been at Kokichi's side when he woke up, as he'd used Rantaro's address and confirmed him as a trusted friend on his contract with Danganronpa. Kokichi looked over to the sleeping Shuichi, he looked so peaceful. He hated it. Shuichi deserved to suffer the same pain he had put Kokichi through. He also hated that he wanted that-- this Shuichi didn’t know his past and there was a chance he wouldn’t ever know. 

He could feel a heavy weight upon him being lifted.  _ Was he floating?  _ It was an unusual sensation. Like a leaf twirling around in the wind, he could feel his mind flitting from one memory to another--as if time itself had sped up. His eyes fluttered, his body suddenly feeling like dead weight from such an extraordinary sensation. A covering above him opened, revealing a stark white wall.  _ Did he not exist? Was it a lie? Was this heaven? Was this hell?  _ He was only aware of a jumbled mass of thoughts, each contrasting with the other. Hands reached in and removed wires--the sound of his heartbeat now fading from his ears. He could feel himself being lifted upwards, his eyes landing upon a thin, pale, sickly looking man. His purple hair hung haphazardly from his scalp, it gave Shuichi the impression that he’d been pulling at it. His tired eyes met Shuichi’s and held his gaze. Shuichi noted his hands were gently shaking, as if he were unsure of himself.

“Seems that sleeping beauty has woken up.” A forced smile on his face. “You were out for quite a while, Saihara.”

He spoke without emotion. Shuichi looked at him inquisitively as he was assisted into a wheelchair, the sullen man walking calmly beside him. He had trouble looking Shuichi in the eyes.

“Do I know you?” Shuichi’s voice came out raspy and soft, as if he were unaccustomed to using it.

“Hmmm..I suppose you do but you also don’t, depends on your memories. Is there anything you can remember before waking up?” Kokichi talked in as bored a tone as he could manage, looking at his nails in feigned disinterest. “That might be a little too much for you right now though, just know I’m here to help.” He turned to the raven haired man and grinned. “So, do you have any questions I can possibly answer?”

Shuichi looked at the purple haired man blankly as he was brought into a room with a soft bed. His head felt like putty and the mannerisms of his companion confused him. Shuichi wasn’t sure what made him say it--it felt like it just fell from his mouth, the meaning of it unclear to even himself.

“Don’t leave me by myself…”

Freezing in place, Kokichi stared at Shuichi blankly. Of all the things he had expected, that wasn’t one of them. After gathering his composure, he gave the other a gentle smile.

“Okay, I won’t leave you by yourself. I promise.”

The gentleness of his newfound companion made Shuichi feel fragile. It was as if there was a tangible tension in the air between them and it was about to snap at any minute. Fear, in combination with his confusion, compelled him to reach out and grab at the young man’s wrist. He held it gently as he laid down on the bed, his eyes slowly closing out of exhaustion. 

Again, Kokichi’s face went blank. Shuichi had grabbed onto his wrist and wasn’t letting go. His instincts were telling him to get as far away as possible. Instead of giving in; he crawled into the bed with Shuichi, cuddled up against him, and covered both of them with the blanket. Kokichi’s thoughts wandered as he drifted off.  _ I’m definitely going to regret this later when his memories are back. _

  
  


He could feel a soft cloth on him, a pillow under his head.  _ Was he back in his assigned room? Had that odd vision of Kokichi been just a dream?  _ Hesitantly, he opened his eyes. It was definitely not a dream. He wasn’t in the prison school anymore. Shuichi had a strange feeling that there had been someone with him--a warmth on the sheets next to him told him so. It must have been Kokichi. His mind began to link thoughts together: the killing game, the finale, the 53rd season. 

He slowly stood, trying to get a sense of himself. He was lean, not muscular--much like his character in the game. Above average in height. Messy, long black hair that covered his eyes from time to time. Shuichi noticed a mirror on the far wall. He was dressed in a monochrome outfit--a drab grey, with the word “participant” on his upper right chest. He began to open his buttoned down shirt, his mind doubtful of his existence. He placed his right hand on his upper chest--it was solid, he was solid. As he finished opening the shirt, his hand slid lower. He gasped as he hit a body piercing.  _ A...a what?  _ Shuichi immediately threw his shirt off. It was true. He had both nipples pierced with a silver wire, the ends shaped into a simple sphere. 

He blushed hard as he looked away from the mirror.  _ Since when did he get that done?  _ He looked back at himself, still in disbelief of what he saw. There was something on him...something etched near his belly button. In absolute horror, he grabbed the hem of his pants and pulled it a bit lower--it was a tatoo. Done in black, it was a skeleton, hanging by its neck from a noose that emerged from his belly button. It ran lower, down into... _ This isn’t happening.  _ Shuichi wanted to vomit. No. No...he had to vomit! He ran away from his reflection, opening the door near his bed that revealed a toilet and shower. He curled himself around the toilet and retched.  _ Did he do this to himself? Did someone do this to him? _ He couldn’t remember. He couldn’t remember any of it. Shuichi kept dry heaving into the toilet but nothing was coming out. 

He whimpered as he kneeled on the cold tile. All he knew was that he’d escaped a killing game and that he was alive, so to speak, and not in a virtual world anymore. At least, that’s what he felt anyway. He heard his door open and two distinct voices echoed into the room.

“Shuichi, you in here?”

It was a female voice--low and cautious.

“Shuichi! Don’t be shy! I brought Maki and Himiko!”

A male voice. High pitched, playful.

The others. From the game. Alive.

“I’m…” he mumbled. Shuichi cleared his throat to answer. “I’m in here!”

The door opened and he turned toward the three people who stood in the entryway. He could quickly feel hands around his waist and a body clutching him close. 

“Are you sick? Are you ok?”

It was the same person who’d met him once he’d woken up. Of all people, it was Kokichi. 

“I don’t know...I don’t…”

Maki grabbed an arm and helped him up along with Kokichi at his side. Himiko stood nearby, a worried expression on her petite face.

“We’re here for you Shuichi,” Maki told him, in a caring manner as she patted his back. 

“Kokichi told us we should see you. We were wanting to see you too. But Kokichi was really worried about you…” Himiko said, softly. 


	2. Chapter 2

Shifting awkwardly, Kokichi spoke. “W-Well, anyone would be worried about him. Shuichi didn’t exactly have the best time waking up from the simulation. I just thought it’d be best if he could see you two as soon as possible.” He began playing with his hair again, anxiety filling up his chest. “Anyway, I’m going to head to the cafeteria. I’ll see you three there later.” Kokichi rushed out of the room before anyone could respond to him. Being around Maki still freaked him out and being near Shuichi was...uncomfortable. 

Once Kokichi reached the cafeteria, he hid himself in one of the corners and stared out a window. He had spotted Rantaro but he seemed to be too busy to talk with, as he was with Kaede. Exhaustion washed over him, he could barely stay awake but he didn’t want to go to bed and sleep alone. That would just give him nightmares. Idly, he wished Rantaro was with him. He’d just have to wait for now. His thoughts wandered, eventually settling on the memories of him bonding with the green-haired man after waking up from the simulation. Rantaro had become his anchor to reality and was comforting to be around.

He hated it.

Kokichi didn’t want to have to rely on anyone, especially someone who had a high chance of abandoning him. Who was he kidding?  _ Everyone  _ left him eventually. He should just stay away from the others, it was better that way. Besides, he didn’t need other people. Kokichi was fine all by himself. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Rantaro speaking with Shuichi, Maki and Himiko. Without thinking, Kokichi ran over and launched himself towards the killing game veteran.

Rantaro grunted as Kokichi playfully slammed into him. 

“RanRan!” Kokichi tackle-hugged Rantaro, giggling when he heard the taller grunt. Nuzzling his face into the other’s chest overdramatically, he whined. “I stayed up all night watching over Shuichi and  I'm  sleepy! Be my pillow.” He pouted towards Shuichi for added effect. Now that he was clinging on to Rantaro, Kokichi finally relaxed as a yawn escaped him accompanied by a few slow blinks. Kokichi rubbed at his eyes, he hadn’t been exaggerating when he’d said he spent all night watching Shuichi. Tugging on Rantaro’s shirt, he mumbled. “Come on, I’m super exhausted and you’re the best pillow.”

Rantaro couldn’t help but chuckle at Kokichi’s antics. The boy was a mess of sentimentality and chaos. It was endearing, really. The survivors of the killing game were fresh out of the simulation and were disoriented to say the least. He’d noticed Kaede hanging back, observing the situation from a distance. Rantaro figured if he was in her shoes it’d be a bit overwhelming. They all reacted differently to their own recollections. Well, it wasn’t like _ he _ had any memories to go on. 

Rantaro scruffed Kokichi’s hair in a playful manner. “This kid is a handful even out of the game!” 

Maki grunted as she rolled her eyes. “Can we put him back in?” 

Kokichi pouted. “So mean! Or are you jealous of me and RanRan’s relationship? Who am I kidding? Everyone is!” He morphed his pout into one of his evil smirks. “If you apologize, I’ll happily tell you all the scandalous details.”

“Ran...ran? You’re dating?” Himiko inquired.

Maki grabbed both Himiko and Shuichi by the arm. “Let’s eat.”

The protagonist looked bewildered to Rantaro and rightly so. Rantaro had escaped from the 52nd season in a similar manner. He hoped the staff would keep an eye on Shuichi. Recovering post game was a gritty process. Rantaro looked down at the smiling Kokichi at his side and laughed.

“Bouncing from being a moody little kid to evil nymph, eh?”

“Maybe.” He said in a sing-song manner before turning serious. “So, are you going to be my pillow or not?” Kokichi arched an eyebrow and went back to pouting. It had been fun messing with everyone but he really needed to sleep. “It’s alright if you don’t want to, I’ll be okay.” His voice came out softer than he intended, he berated himself internally. He pulled himself out of the hug and took a step back. 

“Let’s chill on the couch and I’ll tell you about my trip to the U.S.--that’ll put you to sleep.”

Wearily, Kokichi let himself be led by Rantaro over to the couch, where he dozed off listening to Rantaro drone on about his experience overseas from last season. The jumbled emotions that had suddenly sprung up with Shuichi’s return began to settle, letting his mind drift off into a peaceful slumber.

Kaede eyed Shuichi, Maki and Himiko from a far table.  _ Should she meet them? Was it too soon?  _ She didn’t want to overwhelm anyone--well, she didn’t want to overwhelm one person in particular. He didn’t seem to be aware of his surroundings. Shuichi would probably only know what he’d been through in game at the present moment. She’d been too ashamed to contact her mother ever since her return. There had been a wait period before families were able to contact contestants and she’d been cleared three days ago. Kaede wanted to tell her mother that she was all right, that despite what her mom might’ve saw she was doing just fine...Staff had reassured the loved ones of the contestants that post game care was being administered. But she just couldn’t.

Still, ever since waking up from the game screaming, shouting and begging for  _ his name _ , she’d been ashamed. What she was in game had been a blessing. She’d been confident, strong, and so kind. Kaede wasn’t sure if she was feeling this anxiety due to her short role as a protagonist or if it was just being back in her old skin. She couldn’t stand it anymore. She needed to see him.

She walked slowly towards the trio, hoping it was a good time.

“Ah, hello...Everyone.”

Without hesitation, Himiko launched herself at her and wrapped her arms tightly around Kaede. She smiled, happy to know that at least she was wanted.

Maki stood and carefully hugged her.

“It’s good to see you.”

Fearfully she looked at the young man still sitting in his chair. His mouth was slightly ajar and his eyes were full of tears.

“K-k-k-kaede…”

She knelt down and nestled her face into the crook of his neck. It was so good to touch him again, despite what she knew…

“I missed you.”

The simple words flew off her tongue like water from a stream.

Shuichi didn’t seem to be able to form words. He gasped and hung onto her for dear life, as if Monokuma’s claw were to appear at any moment and take her away once more. Maki looked away, her eyes darting toward Kaito nearby. Himiko sat next to the two protagonists and simply cried in silence. Kaede didn’t want to let go. This time, Kaede didn’t want to be the one to lose  _ him _ . But it seemed inevitable.  _ Danganronpa  _ spared no mercy for silly emotions like love.

She laughed gently as she pulled away. “We’ll be spending a lot of time together now whether you like it or not.”

Shuichi looked at Kaede oddly. “What do you m-mean?”

She looked at the young man with sadness in her eyes. “We’re going to have to remember... _ Everything _ , together _. _ ”

Kaede wasn’t sure if he knew what she meant by  _ everything _ , but she noted the sudden fear in his eyes. His mind looked as if it were on overdrive. She didn’t want to frighten him. She didn’t want to be  _ that _ kind of person again.

Sitting down next to him, she took his hands in hers.  _ Maybe it will be comforting to him?  _

“Don’t worry,” she mustered up enough strength to give him a reassuring smile. “We’re going to do this together."


	3. Chapter 3

After breakfast, Shuichi was taken to a room for a counseling session. He dumbly sat next to Kaede, noticing Rantaro and Kokichi sitting together, the taller chatting quietly to the shorter. The counselor asked for Kaede and him to sit opposite the pair.

Shuichi noticed Kaede was holding an odd purple teddy bear plush. It wasn’t  _ Danganronpa _ branded.  _ Was it for comfort? _ He didn’t know Kaede to be a fearful individual--but then again, it didn’t seem like what he knew was really true to begin with anymore.

“Welcome Shuichi, to your first post game session.” A middle aged woman with short black hair and kind looking eyes addressed them. “This will give you a chance to help you remember what brought you to us. Here you may address me as Hana. Rantaro, as you know, is a veteran of  _ Danganronpa _ and will serve as my assistant. Whatever is expressed in this room will stay within this room. You can think of it as--a safehouse. I only ask that you all don’t engage in physical violence here. Is that agreeable?”

Kokichi nodded silently, his eyes glaring daggers at Shuichi. He scowled every time he looked at the false detective. This was the last thing he wanted, he didn’t mind Kaede or Rantaro being there but Shuichi? Kokichi would rather die again instead of talk about his insecurities and emotions around him. 

“Hana, I’ve noticed that Kokichi has been a bit touchy lately--since Shuichi’s arrival.”

Kokichi turned to look at Rantaro, surprised at what he had said. “What makes you say that, RanRan?”

“Well, for starters, I’ve gotten a new nickname—“

“Nicknames are a sign of affection, something wrong with that?” The beginnings of a frown appeared on his face. 

Hana turned towards Kokichi.“Kokichi, I’ve noticed you’ve been having difficulty in regaining a sense of control in your emotions from our last session. Would you say that’s correct?” 

Quickly glaring at Hana, Kokichi spoke again. His tone defensive. “Yeah, I’d agree with that but I don’t see what that has to do with a stupid nickname.”

“Do you think these emotions have worsened now that the game is over?”

Going stiff as a board, he replied. “Well, yes. Isn’t that normal though?”

“What about your beloved detective?” Rantaro suddenly interejected. “Did you forget about him? I think he’s forgotten about you…” 

“So? What does that matter? I don’t care if he remembers me or not.” Rantaro was getting a bit irritating. 

Shuichi looked around bewildered. “What about me? Is there...something...I should know?”

“If anyone deserved to be in  _ Danganronpa _ it would be you, Shuichi,” said Rantaro. His gaze fixated on the end of his shoe. “The entire season was formed around you. The greatest,  _ weakest _ , detective.”

“ _ Me? _ ” 

Shuichi hated being in the limelight. He wasn’t  _ good _ at that. A sudden image of himself appeared in his mind: He was dressed oddly. Half black half white clothing. Clothes? No..it was a costume. A jagged red eye flashed in his mind. There was a body...a purple haired body...whimpering. He was...he was doing something to that body. Before he could figure out what, he snapped back to attention. A cold sweat formed on his brow as he breathed hard.

Hana peered at him and softly asked, “What did you remember?”

“I saw...myself...doing something...bad. It was  _ bad _ .” Shuichi looked away, unable to meet anyone’s gaze. Kaede squeezed his hand comfortingly. 

“There’s no judgement here Shuichi. Everyone came to  _ Danganronpa _ with an agenda. Most for fame but money and violence are also motivating factors as well. Don’t be ashamed to talk about it.”

“Kokichi, I…” Shuichi looked over to the slim teen, confusion on his face. “I knew you. I knew you before, didn’t I?”

The purple-haired teen nodded. “We dated back before  _ Danganronpa.  _ I broke up with you shortly before we got accepted, but you didn’t seem to understand that though based on your reaction to seeing me with Rantaro.” A humorless laugh escaped him.

_ So he was gay? Kokichi had been his boyfriend? _ Shuichi felt himself questioning reality once again. Shuichi struggled to piece together the situation, but there were so many gaps. 

“I remember you Shuichi,” said Rantaro, in a casual manner as his eyes hardened. “It’s hard to find anyone here who doesn’t. Kokichi followed you into all this like a lovesick dog. When I asked Kokichi at the time, he said he couldn’t remember why he applied for the season. He said  _ ‘he just had to’. _ And then you barged in on us. You kept yelling at Kokichi, saying he was ‘messing everything up’. And then you started to strangle him…”

“I just can’t...How did…” Shuichi went wild eyed at the accusation.

Kokichi shook, did Rantaro just call him a  _ dog? _ Not only that, it also sounded like he was judging him for wanting to be with the one he loved. _ What the hell? _ “Is there a problem with wanting to be with the person you’re in love with?”

“Rantaro…” Hana warned. “That’s enough for now.” The counselor turned her attention to Kaede. “Kaede, you’ve brought in an item today.”

“Yes. I’ve been looking at my things. Trying to figure out who I was before,” Kaede began solemnly. “There was this purple teddy bear just sitting right on top of my clothing. As if I had purposely left it like that. It was the one thing that I couldn’t seem to place.” Kaede looked toward Shuichi grimly. “But when  _ you _ came back Shuichi, I remembered.” 

Kaede looked at Shuichi fearfully. “Do you remember what happened?”

Shuichi could feel the beginnings of a headache coming on. Everyone in the room had mentioned him and none of it seemed positive.  _ Just what kind of person was he? _

“I’d imagine most of this is alarming to you, Shuichi. All of the people in this room besides myself are people you’ve met before  _ Danganronpa _ started. Tell me, what are some things you feel that are true about yourself?”

“I’m...I was a candidate for a game show. A game show that I really liked…” Shuichi cradled both of his elbows in a shaky grasp. He trailed off, unsure of what else to state. Hoping to ease his discomfort, Hana tried a different question.

“Can you tell me a little about your family Shuichi?”

“My family…” Shuichi blinked several times. “Do...I have a family?”

Kokichi felt something inside him snap. 

“ _ I’m _ your family! I’m the only family that ever cared about you and you  _ never _ knew that! Your parents abandoned you for fame and you’ve been chasing after your stupid  _ Danganronpa _ dream ever since!”

His tone was low, sorrowful. “You…hit me on a daily basis, insulted me, the worst was the pain you’d inflict on me during sex.” Kokichi laughed hysterically. “Can you believe I actually grew to enjoy all of that? You’re a horrible person. But I loved you anyway! All because you had showed me kindness when we first met. I’ve been so stupid! I will never make that mistake ever again.” 

Kokichi walked towards the door, his voice getting angrier. “I’m going to leave. Don’t any of you  _ ever  _ talk to me or come near me again. That goes double for Shuichi and Rantaro. I’ll be much better off without either of you, being alone suits me better anyway.  _ Right  _ Shuichi?”

He sneered, his eyes narrowed with rage.”You said as much in the game. I’m alone and always will be. Well, guess what? I don’t need any of you, I don’t need  _ anyone _ !” Kokichi shouted. 

While Kaede, Rantaro, and Shuichi sat in shock, as Kokichi slammed the door and ran out of the room.

They were quiet. The counselor sent someone after Kokichi while they tried to collect themselves. Kaede looked at Shuichi--he’d gone deathly pale. 

“Kokichi will need some time to heal. Perhaps in private, if need be…” The counselor jotted a small note to herself before addressing the remaining three. “Shuichi, are you all right?”

He looked at her like a deer caught in headlights. 

“I abused him,  _ I  _ did that?” Shuichi had begun to panic, his breathing shallow. 

Hana rushed over to him as Kaede hung onto the crook of his elbow. The counselor squatted so she could look Shuichi in the eyes. “Shuichi? Focus on me, okay? Listen to the sound of my voice.”

Kaede noticed he folded in on himself, tears building and silently flowing down his face. He gasped, more from his unsteady breathing as he struggled to calm down.

“It’s okay,” she soothed into Shuichi’s ear, hoping the sweet nothings she whispered helped him somehow.

“Kaede.” Hana turned to face the nervous girl. “You told Shuichi you remembered something when he returned from the game. Do you want to share?”

“Shuichi helped me. I know he helped me get into the 53rd season because I wasn’t chosen. We spoke and...he said, ah...he said…” she wasn’t certain she should say it at such a sensitive time like this.

“Take your time,” said Hana patiently.

“He said he’d teach me about ruthlessness. And he had me steal this toy from a young girl. Just to see if I could do it.” Kaede looked at the bear lost in thought.

Shuichi brought his head up, the memory rolling across his mind like it was just yesterday.

“I liked you. I really liked you, Kaede.” Shuichi’s voice chimed in, a sad tone. “You...impressed me. And...you...Wanted to be friends with me. No one _ ever  _ wanted to be friends with me!” Shuichi covered his mouth as he looked away. Hana passed him some tissues and poured glasses of water for everyone. There was another round of silence.

“In the final interview...When Kokichi and I were chosen...I asked if I could have you co-star with me.” Shuichi inhaled deeply and exhaled as he looked up to the ceiling uncomfortably. “I said you wanted to be my love interest and to be the first executed. Kaede...I...Please, don’t…”

“He used you as bait, Kaede. He sold you out, like a  _ Danganronpa  _ pro would do. You still got on for the season, right? Still going rake in some cash out of the deal. You can’t blame him for the deal he made.” Rantaro clasped his hands and he leaned forward.

Suddenly she remembered. “I never asked you. I never asked how…” Kaede closed her eyes. What a fool she was. She was destined to fail in every dimension. “Oh…” She covered her mouth with her hands. 

Sensing the rush of despair in the room, Hana spoke. “Everyone, let’s take a break for now. Let’s come back fresh for tomorrow, yes?” The remaining three in the room filed out slowly.

“Hey…” Rantaro extended a hand and stopped Shuichi outside of the room. “Don’t beat yourself up over what you were. It got you here. The past is the past. We’re gonna get through the rest of this together, you got that?”

Shuichi looked up at Rantaro, still dumbstruck by the plague of memories running through his head. “Yeah…”

Rantaro walked down the hall as Shuichi looked on. He felt like a hollow shell. All of his insides had melted out and one small gust of wind would shatter him into a million pieces.

Shuichi tugged on Kaede’s wrist as she walked meekly by. “Kaede I need to…”

“Don’t.” Kaede said softly as she pulled back from his grip. “You don’t need to do anything Shuichi. I asked for all this…” She turned to continue walking but Shuichi grabbed her shoulder. Kaede faced Shuichi once more, her eyes brimming with tears.

“Kaede, please.” He looked at her with hurt in his eyes, his voice breaking. “Can you forgive me?”

Her mouth opened slightly but no reply came. Waiting for her answer, it felt like Shuichi was the one being strangled from a rope. A whimper arose from her throat as she covered her mouth.

“I’m...not sure if I can forgive myself.” Her ominous sounding words confused him as she left for her quarters.

Shuichi brought his hand up to his mouth in contemplation.  _ Where to even start? _ As he turned to go, the counselor exited and confronted him.

“I’m sure that was a lot to take in. As participants, you’ve all had to make hard choices for survival. Don’t assume the total blame falls on you, Shuichi.” She smiled gently.

He nodded as he walked toward his room. Shuichi knew that everything Kokichi said was true--he could remember all the times he’d snapped at him, berated him,  _ tortured _ him. It was another stunning revelation that  _ Danganronpa _ seemed to love giving him. He was indeed a horrible person, a perverted, horrible person that loved  _ Danganronpa _ so much he was willing to give up his very _ soul _ .

His hand shook as he wiped a tear from his face. His feelings toward Kokichi were jumbled--Kokichi was always there for him when he wanted to lash out. Yet, Kokichi enjoyed it. He  _ wanted _ to be used by Shuichi. In the same token, he’d manipulated Kaede as well--making her a blackened without her permission...It was too much. Too much for him to even process.

_ I’ve got to make it up to them _ ...Could he ever though? The time spent with the shorter boy was time away from Kokichi’s abusive father. Shuichi had been the lesser evil. It still didn’t feel right. Shuichi wasn’t sure what he’d say to Kokichi, but he had to confront it all.


	4. Chapter 4

He searched the common rooms for Kokichi but to no avail.  _ It is Kokichi after all. He could be hiding in an air vent for all I know. _ Fortunately for Shuichi, where the cast was allowed was heavily restricted. Eventually, he found him outside, curled up on a bench with his head down. Shuichi approached him.

“Mind if I sit down?”

Kokichi lifted his head briefly, meeting Shuichi’s gaze. “Go ahead.”

Shuichi settled next to him and they sat in silence for a while. They had a turbulent relationship, and an unhealthy one at that. Shuichi figured he’d need to speak first.

“For what it’s worth, I just wanted to say...that I’m sorry I treated you so badly. That I used you like _ that _ . I don’t think anything I can say or do will be enough but...I just wanted you to know.”

A few moments of silence passed as Kokichi mulled over Shuichi’s apology.

“I can’t accept your apology as you’re not the one who abused me, that was the you of the past. Neither of us are the same people we were before. So, you don’t need to apologize or feel guilty.”

Shuichi hung his head low as he stared at the ground. “The fact that a game show changed us doesn’t erase the memories we’ve had together. Like the day we first met…”

“When you protected me from my father, I remember. You were the first person that showed any kindness to me. Granted, that was also the last time you were nice to me but it didn’t matter. I wanted to repay that kindness but ended up falling in love with you in the process.” Kokichi stopped to calm himself before moving on.

“Our relationship was in no way positive or healthy, I’m thankful it happened though. If it hadn’t I wouldn’t have even thought of signing up for the game that ended up turning both of us into different people, better people.” He paused, giving Shuichi time to process what he said.

“We’re not who we were and, hopefully, will never return to being them. If you want to feel guilty about your past life then I can't stop you. As it is, I already forgave you. Just not the previous you.” Kokichi looked up towards Shuichi, a small smile on his face.

Shuichi looked back at his former boyfriend, his eyes watering with unshed tears. Maybe everything wasn’t lost. 

“You forgive too easy Kokichi. But I’m glad we still have each other.” They sat together until the sun began to set.

Before heading back inside, Kokichi turned to Shuichi and lightly hugged him. “Everything is going to be okay, don’t forget that.” He gave a small wave goodbye then left for his room.

It felt unfair. They’d completed the killing game and should be enjoying their celebrity status together. Why’d they have to keep all their memories in game? Why should they be dealing with all these  _ stupid _ emotions? No matter how much she wanted to blame Shuichi, to hate him, to find him absolutely  _ repulsive _ she just couldn’t. Even if he was the worst human being alive he’d made it into  _ Danganronpa _ fair and square. She’d failed at even getting in. She’d failed at asking how Shuichi managed to get her into the game--that huge oversight looming above her.  _ Failure was always an opportunity to learn _ , her father had said. If that were really true, then Kaede should be a genius by now. Why did she make herself so vulnerable like that? She got greedy and got what she deserved in game, didn’t she?  _ Dad would be so disappointed in me… _

And yet she did all this so she could help what’s left of her family--her mother. She hoped the money she earned would be of use for her mother. Perhaps it would pay for an early retirement. It was the least Kaede could do. Shuichi and Kokichi would probably patch things up and they’d all go their separate ways wouldn’t they? She never should have bothered. She never should have even  _ spoken _ to Shuichi.

It would have been a blessing if Kokichi had gutted her from the start. She wouldn’t be feeling so absolutely  _ worthless _ now. To think she actually thought...she  _ meant _ something to him. What a complete fool she was! She didn’t  _ deserve _ anything at all. As if anyone would even miss her. Kaede could feel her head spinning with emotions that washed over her like a wave. Nothing was ever going to be the same. Kaede wanted it to end. She didn’t want to feel anymore.

She tiredly sat on her bed. Being in post game recovery was even worse than living in the prison school. At least there they’d had each other. Here, it was nothing but their own mistakes, repeated over and over again in their minds. Alone. 

Kaede crawled over to her pillow and unzipped the pillowcase. Inside she’d stored a boxcutter she managed to snag from a janitor’s closet when no one was looking. Kaede had been toying with the idea of cutting--she noticed scars on Kokichi before. It was a bad idea, sure but she always had bad ideas. Maybe it would make her feel better in a backwards kind of way.

Staring at it now, all Kaede could think about was how miserable she felt. Maybe it would just be better to end it. All the money she earned would go to her mother and she wouldn’t have to feel anything anymore. She cradled the small object in her palm--it smelled musty but the razor inside looked sharp enough. Bringing it to her neck she initially made a small scratch, the blood popping up immediately, a bright red. She idly thought about school--she learned in human anatomy class that blood flowed through the jugular vein.  _ Would she have the guts to even do it? _ She trembled as she thought of her execution, a phantom pain emerging around her neck. 

Kaede pressed the razorblade harder, making a deeper cut. She whimpered as blood flowed freely down her neck. Gasping for breath, she tried to focus on her goal. Using both hands, she brought her bloodied fingers to her neck once more--fear now coursing through her. Closing her eyes she put as much pressure as she could on the blade and slashed downward. The razorblade slipped from her hands and skittered towards the end of the bed. Kaede could feel a gush of warmth slip down her neck and over her chest.  _ So much blood...is that how much blood I have? _

Soon, she could feel her vision start to blur and her heart slowing. Her head felt light and she almost felt like laughing. It was such a strange sensation. Just before losing consciousness, she heard a sound. It was  _ him _ .

“Kaede? Kaede! Are you in there? I just wanted to talk with you…”

He sauntered through the halls heading towards Kokichi’s room. He’d expected Shuichi to be the one to fall to pieces in group therapy. It wasn’t like there hadn’t been enough ammo provided… 

He sighed. This was never his favorite part of the game. Reconciling who you were with what you’ve become? It was really a mind trip. Rantaro had learned to embrace the Ultimate Adventurer fairly easily. It was an alias that sat well with him. Being that charismatic person had helped him cool the hidden rage he carried underneath. All in all, it worked out for him.

Rantaro took a breath before knocking on the door. He doubted Kokichi would want to see him, let alone anyone for that matter. But part of his job post game was to keep everyone safe, ironically. The winner of the game went on to help his or her castmates to acclimate back to pregame life. As much as you could, anyway.

“Kokichi, you in there?” Rantaro asked tentatively.

“Go away!” Kokichi growled through the door, not wanting Rantaro near him. 

“Look I know you don’t want any visitors, but you can’t just shut yourself up in there.” Rantaro leaned against the doorframe. “You’ve got to deal with all this shit head on.”

“I  _ am  _ dealing with it! Just not the way you and the staff want me to. Just leave me the fuck alone!”

“Must be hard,” Rantaro mused. “After pulling everyone around on a string in the game to find out you’ve been the puppet all along.” Rantaro stepped back a bit from the door. “That maybe what you had before isn’t going to be there for you now…”

Slamming the door open, Kokichi walked right up to Rantaro and slapped him across the face. “I had nothing before and I have nothing now. Not that it’s any of your business.”

Rantaro winced as he touched his burning cheek. He chuckled as he looked at Kokichi, who was fuming. “It actually is. I’m an employee here and I have to make sure we all  _ get along _ so to speak. Could I come in for a bit?”

Kokichi laughed bitterly. “Of course not! Only people who genuinely care about me are allowed in. As you’re just here as an employee, you can just fuck off and leave me alone.”

Rantaro raised his hands up. “Hey, don’t be like that. I actually came here to visit  _ you  _ instead of Shuichi or Kaede you know. And anyway, does anyone genuinely care about you besides us at  _ Danganronpa _ right now? No one knows what you’ve been through except for us.”

Kokichi’s spiking anger grew. “So? Do you want a medal? Visiting me doesn’t award you anything. Besides, no one cares about me; especially you and the people you work for.” Kokichi pointed at himself dramatically. “ _ I  _ don’t even care about myself. I wish I had  _ actually _ died. It’s not like anyone besides Shuichi would care anyway.”

“That’s what your boyfriend wanted. He wanted to die in a glorious execution as a blackened. You don’t want to be like him, do you? Don’t you want to enjoy the rewards of all your hard work? Or are you a masochist?”

“You are a complete idiot, I’m nothing like him. I’d have to be a psychotic, violence-loving waste of space to come anywhere  _ close  _ to being like how Shuichi was.” Kokichi examined his nails like he would do in-game, completely uninterested in the conversation he was having. 

“Now, will you kindly leave me alone? I was in the middle of planning my death before you showed up. If you aren’t here to help then you’re  _ wasting my time. _ ”

Rantaro grabbed the front of Kokichi’s uniform in a tight grip. “No, _ you’re _ the idiot. Even bigger than Kaito. Getting in on this game just because you wanted to be  _ loved _ . And now you want to die. It’s pathetic. Why’d you even put yourself through this if you aren’t getting anything out of it?”

Kokichi did his signature laugh and smirked. “It’s not nearly as pathetic as your attempts to provoke me. Besides, it was my pre-game self who wanted to be useful to Shuichi. To have him smile and love me back. And now? I don’t have that, or anything really. There’s no point in my being alive now that I’ve lost my reason to live. Not like you’d understand anyway.”

“Don’t be so dramatic. Life isn’t just about silly love affairs. You’re being close minded.” Rantaro could feel his anger rising--Kokichi always seemed to have a knack for getting under people’s skin.

“Close minded? Please, if anyone is close minded, it's you. Love is a big enough reason for most to want to keep living.” Kokichi laughed again before continuing in a mocking tone. “Not that you’d ever know since you’re incapable of that emotion.”

“Well you know what? You’re right. I’m close minded. I won’t understand because I don’t  _ want _ to understand crap like that. You need to have more fucking respect for yourself than to sabotage yourself with feelings of  _ love _ .”

This was a waste of time. Grabbing the front of Rantaro’s uniform, Kokichi pulled him down and kissed the other roughly. He pulled away after a few moments, keeping his face in front of Rantaro’s. “Would you just  _ shut up _ ? We’ll never see eye-to-eye on this. Leave me alone already.”

It took a moment for Rantaro to register what happened. He blinked as he looked downwards at Kokichi, his signature in-game smirk appearing on his face. “That sounds like a challenge.”

“Feel free to take it as one, I don’t care.” Kokichi went back into his room and closed the door. Rantaro could do whatever the fuck he wanted, there was no point in arguing otherwise.


	5. Chapter 5

Shuichi was a wreck. When he opened her door, the first thing he saw was blood. It was  _ everywhere _ . He screamed--the scene before him had been so vivid, even more so than anything in the game. Her body was sprawled over her bed, her uniform dripping with blood and the sheets a deep red. Shuichi wasn’t sure if she was breathing and frantically he grabbed her body, shaking her.

“Kaede?  _ Kaede! _ ” His mind idly replayed images of the pink covered bodies he’d discovered in the prison school.  _ No not this, not now... _ Her body was starting to get cold. Shuichi ran from the room, now covered in Kaede’s blood and tackled the first staff member he could find.

They’d managed to get to Kaede in time--she was alive, but barely. He sat next to her hospital bed as soon as he could, a numbness began to take over in his mind. He wanted to trust someone, to scream and shout but he felt unable to do so. Shuichi had felt the hurt of being abandoned in his life, but the feeling he had at this moment was nothing compared to that pain in the slightest.

“Hey, Shuichi. How is Kaede doing?” Kokichi stood at the door to Kaede’s room, checking on the unconscious girl.

“Kokichi? Ah, um...Hi…” Shuichi looked away awkwardly. “She’s going to live. At least that’s what they say. But...I can’t help but think she doesn’t trust me. I don’t think anyone  _ should _ trust me. But I...just want her to get better…”

Kokichi stared at Shuichi, contemplating his next course of action. “If you want, I could try to help her out. She needs someone and I don’t mind.” He crossed his arms. “Except, this isn’t for free. You have to help me annoy the hell out of Rantaro.”

Shuichi thought back on his relationship with Kokichi and Kaede. He’d manipulated them, toyed with them...If anyone could help Kaede now, it would be Kokichi. She would listen to him at least.

“Rantaro? Annoy him? What are you getting at?” Shuichi narrowed his eyes. They were playing their sick games again.

“Yeah, Rantaro won’t leave me alone and keeps annoying me. So, I’m going to get back at him by doing the one thing he will never understand. Be openly affectionate with you. You know, just the occasional hug and cute-sy talk.”

He considered his options. He could play Kokichi’s game and get himself in the middle of a lover’s spat or take his chances hoping Kaede would believe him. Shuichi didn’t want to see Kaede’s horrified face looking at him. 

“What’s it going to be Shu?” 

“Fine. I’ll do what you want.” He looked at Kokichi. Considering their history, he wondered how they’d managed to switch roles so easily for the game.

Kokichi smiled and clapped his hands together. “Great! We have a deal, then.” A smirk formed on his face at the thought of tormenting Rantaro. 

Kaede woke up with a headache. She had a nagging feeling that something big had happened. Her neck felt a bit sore, as if she slept on it wrong.  _ Did I fall asleep? _ Once she opened her eyes, she saw where she was.

_ Oh.  _

She could feel shame weighing her down, her face reddening.  _ I can’t do anything right, can I? _ She was tied down onto a gurney, a soft blanket covering her. A pitcher of water was nearby and a whiteboard across from her noted the times a nurse had come in to check in on her. 

“Hey. How are you feeling?”

Kokichi came up to her bed, looking as serious as she’d ever seen him. 

“Embarrassed... I guess…”

He sat down next to her on a chair uncomfortably and looked downwards before speaking.

“Shuichi’s pretty worried about you. Most of us are,” said Kokichi quietly as he shuffled his feet a bit.

“Who found me?” Unable to turn her head, Kaede stared sadly at the ceiling, her voice soft.

“Shuichi did. You would’ve died if he hadn’t gone after you.”

“It’s always Shuichi isn’t it?” She laughed gently. “He’s always involved somehow…” Kaede went silent for a bit. “Don’t you hate him? For how he treated you?”

“I hate who he used to be, but not who he is now.” Kokichi smiled sadly, empathizing with how Kaede felt. The old Shuichi had used both of them, whether they wanted him to or not. “How about you? Do you hate him?”

“I want to...but... _ I can’t _ .” Tears formed in her eyes as she quietly cried to herself.

Tentatively, Kokichi hugged the crying Kaede. “It’s going to be okay. You don’t have to face your feelings alone, you know? In the beginning, I wanted to hate him too but that didn’t work out very well.” He let out a quiet chuckle. “Shuichi asked me to help you and I made a deal with him but, to be honest, I was going to try and help you either way. Just don’t tell him that, I have a reputation to maintain.”

Kaede burst out laughing as tears fell from her face. “I didn’t understand you in the game. I guess I still won’t understand you out of the game either.”

“There’s still time for you to attempt to understand me. I can’t promise to be very open but...I’ll try.” Kokichi pulled out of the hug and held her hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

Kaede smiled as she held onto Kokichi’s comforting hand, slowly drifting off to sleep.

“Sleep well, Kaede. Sweet dreams.” Kokichi left five minutes after Kaede fell asleep, just to be sure she wouldn’t wake up. 

After becoming aware of Kaede’s situation, Rantaro decided it was high time for a group activity. They’d been locked up, so to speak, and getting some fresh air was a good idea. There was a small field behind the facility, often used as a lunch area. Not everyone was athletic but perhaps a small game of volleyball would do.

He noticed Kokichi had been fairly clingy towards Shuichi lately. Rantaro wasn’t sure if Kokichi was just avoiding him or if he’d felt like reconnecting.  _ He wanted to die the last time we spoke _ . Trying to figure out Kokichi was like trying to solve an irritating riddle. Maybe some physical activity would be best.

“Hey guys, let’s say we have a game of volleyball? Waddaya say?” Rantaro beamed his best smile. 

“Do we have to? I’m a busy person so I’d rather not.” Kokichi pouted.  _ This is a disaster waiting to happen.  _

“A busy person? Says the guy who spends most of his time  _ in his room _ ?” Rantaro huffed. “Besides, we’re not competing for once. This is for fun.”

“Actually, I really don’t know much about volleyball…” Shuichi warily stated. “Or any sport, really.”

Hugging Shuichi from behind, Kokichi tried to reassure him. “Don’t worry Shu! I’ll teach you everything you need to know, my dearest beloved.”

“Well then! Let’s pick teams!” 

“Shu and I are going to team up, right?” Kokichi tightened his hold on the other, hoping he’d understand what he was trying to do. 

“Sure! I’ll serve first!” Rantaro winked at Kokichi and ran toward the net. 

Shuichi sighed. Playing a game was the last thing he’d felt like doing. He was more interested in finding out how Kaede was doing but he hadn’t had the opportunity to question Kokichi yet. His former boyfriend was already miles away in the midst of one of his plans. 

“You alright?” He whispered to Shuichi, covering it by making it appear that he was nuzzling him. 

“Let’s get this over with.” Shuichi flatly stated as he walked toward the net and the rest of the cast.

“Fine, fine. I want this to end just as much as you do.” Kokichi muttered, following behind. 

They’d separated into teams--boys versus girls, the suggestion being Tenko’s of course. Rantaro started the serve and Angie managed to keep the ball in play. She passed over to Tsumugi, who tried to spike it over to the boys. 

Kaito bumped the ball back into play. Overall, it looked like they were all doing fairly well. Or so Rantaro thought….

“Not everyone can be so charming like Rantaro, riiiiight Shu? He really knows how to  _ live life to the fullest _ , don’t you think?” 

Rantaro gritted his teeth. Kokichi was trying to rub his own words in, the little brat.

“Although, I feel bad for whoever ends up dating him. His overflowing charm would get annoying, especially with others constantly flirting with him. Don’t you think so, Shu?”

Kokichi flashed a grin towards Shuichi. “Good thing I don’t have to worry about that with you, my beloved. You’ll always stay by my side.”

_ If he wants to lay it on thick...Then I will too.  _ Rantaro smiled as he thought of an idea. Maki passed the ball over and Rantaro angled it so he’d have to pass to Kokichi.  _ Maybe I’d better put a little arm into it... _ The ball quickly bounced toward Kokichi, hitting him square in the face.

Kokichi fell to the ground after the ball hit his face.  _ Rantaro...I won’t let you get away with that.  _

He didn’t have to fake any tears as he cried out to Shuichi. “Shu! It hurts. Would you kiss it better?” The likelihood of Shuichi going through with that was nonexistent but the point was to aggravate Rantaro.

Shuichi rolled his eyes. As usual, Kokichi really knew how to be a total brat. 

“Kokichi! Sorry about that!” Rantaro chuckled, his eyes crinkling as he put his hand on Kokichi’s shoulder.

“Any reason you’re being a whiny  _ bitch _ or is this how you like to say  _ thanks _ for me being concerned about you?” Rantaro hissed into Kokichi’s ear.

They finished two rounds afterwards, Rantaro avoiding Kokichi’s gaze and Kokichi moodily watching the rest from the sidelines. Shuichi stood idly, half heartedly attempting to play but ultimately failing. The girls won both rounds and everyone dispersed afterwards to enjoy the weather outdoors. Rantaro’s irritation returned once he and Kokichi were alone. He turned to face him, his hands on his hips. 

Kokichi laughed. “You’re not concerned about  _ me.  _ If you were you wouldn’t hit me with a volleyball.” He pouted, barely concealing his irritation. 

Rantaro twisted his face into a sad pout.“The Ultimate Supreme leader crying about being smacked in the face with a volleyball? Oh, how awful!” He looked at Kokichi sternly, his eyes tinged with anger.“You’re doing this on purpose. Is it just for fun? Is this how you plan on getting through recovery?” Rantaro’s face reddened. “Because it’s a piss poor way of doing it!”

Driven by aggravation, Kokichi yanked Rantaro down to eye-level and kissed him. Once he realized what he was doing, Kokichi released the other and backed away. “That’s for me to know and you to  _ never  _ find out. Now, if you’ll excuse me, my beloved owes me affection.” Kokichi plastered an over-the-top smile on his face and left.

Rantaro, shocked by the sudden kiss, watched as Kokichi left for the main meeting room. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to play Kokichi’s odd little game.  _ Is he teasing me? _ Shuichi hadn’t said a word about Kokichi’s behavior but judging from his body language alone, Shuichi’s interactions with Kokichi seemed forced.  _ Maybe it’s just his way of recovering... _ Rantaro wasn’t a psychologist. He’d lay low for a bit and let Kokichi play his little game...alone.

Once he was in the main meeting room, Kokichi dropped the smile on his face. Why had he kissed Rantaro again? He hadn’t intended to this time, Kokichi needed to think on it. He looked for a place to cool down and hide. It couldn’t be his room, that was too obvious. He’d just have to find a nice, isolated spot where he could be alone to think about his situation with Rantaro.


	6. Chapter 6

Two days had passed since the volleyball incident and Kokichi was miserable. Rantaro seemed to take every chance he got to avoid him. Which he hadn’t minded until he noticed that every time the pierced teen ignored him, his chest hurt and tears would fill his eyes. Had Rantaro abandoned him? If so, why did it make his heart twist in his chest? At some point, Kokichi had stopped leaving his room except for meal times or when he had a therapy session. He chose to lay in bed and let himself be consumed by his thoughts instead.

_ Rantaro is finally leaving me alone, just like I wanted. So, why am I so sad? It’s not like I want him around, right? I don’t care about him, he’s annoying...Is that how I really feel though? If it is then why am I so depressed? Do I have feelings for him? God. I do, don’t I? If I’m going to be honest with myself, I am in love with him. Aren’t I? _

Today was the third day of Kokichi’s self-imposed isolation and he no longer had any motivation to leave his bed, let alone his room. His assigned nurse kept checking on him every so often, trying to get him to at least leave his bed but he ignored her. He didn’t know how much time had passed but eventually his nurse got fed up and sent Shuichi to check up on him, probably to get him to leave his room. Kokichi sat up once his former boyfriend entered his room and held out his arms for a hug, tears streaming down his face silently.

Shuichi wrapped his arms around the thin framed teen, letting him cry a bit on his shoulder. 

“I knew your old man wouldn’t come, but your mother didn’t want to see you?”

“I doubt she even knows I’m here, she never did care for me very much.” Kokichi tightened his hold on Shuichi. “Can I tell you something? You have to promise not to tell anyone, it needs to remain a secret.”

From around the corner, Rantaro quietly listened in. He’d noticed Kokichi had backed off entirely the last few days. Conversing with the nurses, he’d found out the boy had gone into a depressive state. He was strangely worried.

“What is it? Did something happen?” Shuichi pulled away slowly.

“I..I’m in love with Rantaro, and I have no idea how to handle it.” Kokichi broke down sobbing. “It hurts so badly, especially since there’s no way in hell he’ll ever feel the same.” He brought his hands up to wipe at his tears, trying and failing to get them to stop. “How can I get these feelings to go away, Shu? I don't want to be in pain anymore.”

Rantaro’s eyes widened as he gripped his chest.  _ Was that it?  _ He thought about their time together, before the game. Kokichi was a different person then. Why would he ever be interested in Rantaro now? He quickly fled, feeling the need for some time to think.

Shuichi sadly looked at Kokichi with sympathy. He felt a connection once...He wasn’t sure if it was even real or just a sick urge of his. Shuichi’s thoughts had been of Kaede lately--he honestly didn’t know much about her. At the same time, he couldn’t seem to get her out of his mind. 

“I don’t know, Kokichi…”

He held the crying teen until he wore himself out. Shuichi didn’t know much about love, but he knew he had to see Kaede. They’d been a team once. Maybe he could make good on her promise and be friends, at least, with her.

Shuichi went to visit Kaede, who was now out of the critical care unit and was being monitored in her room. Kokichi had told him previously that she was ready to see him but he still felt nervous. He felt like a loose cannon around her and his emotions went haywire. It was such a crazy feeling.

“Hello?” He peeked around the corner to see Kaede watching an orchestral performance.  _ How fitting. _ “Kaede, it’s me.”

Kaede looked to the door in surprise. “Shuichi! I…”

Before she could finish, he lept toward her and took her into his arms. In shock, Kaede brought her hands up to the sides of his arms.

“Shuichi, watch the neck! It still hurts.”

“O-oh, ah sorry about that.”

They were silent for a moment.

“I just want…” 

“I’ve been meaning to…”

They spoke at the same time, a blush forming on both of their faces. Shuichi grabbed the railing to her bed.

“Kaede, let me speak. I’ve been wanting to tell you something for the longest…” He fumbled around with his hands while trying to think of the right words to say. “I’ve been a hateful, twisted, and perverted liar, just using people for my own ends. I guess it made me feel powerful in a way. My family never wanted me and everyone else stayed away. The only thing I had going for me was my love for  _ Danganronpa _ and a scared, abused boyfriend at my whim. It wasn’t right but it was my life…”

Shuichi looked away as he continued talking. “Then you approached me and talked to me, like I mattered. It felt...good to think someone wanted to be around me because they chose to and not because it was a last option. I just can’t imagine life without you anymore.”

Kaede bit her lip as she contemplated Shuichi’s words. 

“Seeing you like that, in a bloody mess it...Hurt me. Like it did after your execution, in game. Please don’t do this. Don’t leave, ever again. I love you.”

Shuichi gently pushed her back onto her pillow taking extra care of her heavily bandaged neck. He placed both of his hands on either side of her face as he kissed her. She returned the kiss and brought her hand to his upper back, making him lean against her. 

“Shuichi, do you think you can do me a favor?” Kaede asked, her eyes shining.

“A favor? Of course…”

“Kokichi told me you sent him in to see me. He was...really kind to me. He helped me see that I was still wanted.” She rubbed the side of his arm soothingly. “I want to do something special for him too.”

“I might have an idea of what we can do…” Shuichi smiled as he bit the bottom of her lip playfully. 


	7. Chapter 7

The cast of season 53 was soon approaching the end of their stay in the  _ Danganronpa  _ ward. After recovery, the participants had a few weeks off to come together with family or friends before doing promos for the season. Rantaro sat on one of the couches drinking coffee as he looked at the weather for the Philippines.

_ Might as well get back into character as the Ultimate Adventurer... _

He’d been mulling over what he heard Kokichi say, trying to come to terms with his own feelings. Rantaro never thought of himself as a “relationship” type of guy, not in the slightest. It would be new ground for him, a new potential discovery in a way. Kokichi was still secluding himself away from everyone and the shock of Kaede’s suicide attempt had put everyone on edge.

Shuichi approached him, gently leading a weak Kaede by the arm. She wore a neck brace

Rantaro jumped forward and greeted her with a small hug.“Kaede! Hey you’re okay?” 

She smiled. “Yeah, I am. Kokichi was a big help.”

“Kokichi? Really?” The thought of Kokichi speaking to Kaede seemed strange. But stranger things had happened.

“You know, I think he’d like a visit from you…” Shuichi suggested. “I think I heard him crying out for ‘RanRan’ when I passed his door.”

Rantaro smirked. “I bet you did, didn’t you.”

“Kokichi’s really fond of you Rantaro, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to check in with him?” Kaede winked at Rantaro.

Rantaro stood up and placed his mug on the coffee table. “Okay, okay! I get the idea. I’ll see you two later.”

He knocked on Kokichi’s door. “Hellooo room service. Can I get you anything?”

Kokichi woke up to the sound of someone knocking on his door, what was this about room service? “I didn’t think hospital wards  _ had  _ room service.” He muttered to himself, not awake enough to recognize the voice speaking to him. “If this is your way of trying to get me out of bed, you really need to try harder Shu.” At least, he assumed it was Shuichi talking to him.

“I heard you were looking to order something, exotic? Like a green haired, handsome, charming adventurer?”

From those words alone Kokichi could recognize who it was. “Did Shu threaten you or something? Why are you here, Rantaro?” He asked, his eyes narrowing. 

He laughed as he sat down on the bed. “Shuichi? Threaten me? Never.” He laid down next to Kokichi casually. “I came here of my own accord. Isn’t it so boring in here?”

“You didn’t answer my question, why are you here? Boring or not, I don’t have the energy or motivation to leave.” Kokichi frowned, what was the other teen doing?

“I came here to see you, dummy. What else?” Rantaro’s eyes lit up as he eyed the smaller teen.

Sighing, Kokichi shook his head. This was too confusing. “Why would you even want to see me?”

Rantaro frowned. “What is this, some kind of trick question? I’ve been thinking about you, that’s all…”

“That’s a lie, isn’t it?” Kokichi felt tears gathering in his eyes. What kind of sick torture was this?

Seeing Kokichi about to break down, Rantaro quickly pulled him in close, resting Kokichi’s head on his chest.

“I think we’ve all had enough lies, don’t you?”

“Then tell me the truth, if you can’t then just leave.” Kokichi tried to pull away from Rantaro’s hold, cursing his weakness from not eating.

Rantaro sighed. This wasn’t going to be easy. He summoned up whatever courage he had and caressed the side of Kokichi’s face, causing him to look upwards.

“I care about you, Kokichi. I...think I…” Rantaro squirmed. “Love you.”

“Liar.” Kokichi whispered as tears poured down his face, quiet sobs escaping him.

Rantaro looked at him in shock. This wasn’t the reaction he was expecting. “Why can’t you get it through your thick skull that I love you?” He brought the crying teen’s face toward his and kissed him as gently as he could.

The kiss shocked him, Kokichi hadn’t expected Rantaro to kiss him especially not so gently. Pushing the other away after he recovered from the kiss, Kokichi spoke with confusion laced in his voice. “I don’t understand why you  _ would  _ love me.”

“It took awhile for me to understand it too. You frustrate me, confuse me, and irritate me when you want to…” Rantaro brought him in again for a longer kiss, nibbling on Kokichi’s lower lip. When he pulled back, he smiled. “But I love you anyway.”

Kokichi hesitated, not sure if he could believe Rantaro’s words. Why would the other kiss him if he was lying though? Taking a chance, Kokichi forced himself to be honest as well. “I love you too...even though you got on my nerves and probably will in the future.”

“ _ Excuse me? _ Who’s telling who about getting on someone’s nerves?” Rantaro joked as he kissed the side of Kokichi’s neck.

Huffing, Kokichi joked back. “You’re obviously the more annoying one.”

Rantaro laughed as he held Kokichi close. Maybe this would be a great adventure after all.


End file.
